Wednesday, September 24, 2014

Why I Shouldn't Be on Survivor

My life goal is to be on Survivor.

Some people think I have low aspirations, others think I’m crazy, and a few support me.

I’m not going to sit here and pretend I’m not crazy. You have to have a little bit of crazy if you to want to be on Survivor!

For the past 10 years I’ve been trying to think of ways to Outwit, Outlast and Outplay the thousands of other of people who want to be on Survivor. And now, here I am. I am officially starting my campaign to be on Survivor! So Jeff Probst, Charlie Parsons and Mark Burnett, listen up! I’m talking to you and your gang of hooligans who cast us Survivors.

But I’ll help you out, I’ll give you reasons why you wouldn’t cast me. Because we can get those out of the way pretty quickly considering the list is small and not of great consequence.

1.       I don’t look like your average “Survivor Girl’ with the perfect body, white teeth and boobs that stay the same size after 25 days of eating rice and beans and living in the middle of nowhere.. (seems fishy to me;)). My mom always makes fun of me and says she’ll get me a boob job to get me on the show! My boobs are pretty small though. In fact, when I go to face-to-face with a wall, my nose touches first! That’s right. My nose is bigger than my boobs. BUT that’s nothing a great push up bra can’t fix. So I’ve actually solved that problem for you right off the bat! You’re welcome!

2.       I'm mentally stable. So if you’re looking for another “Coach”, “Russel”, or “J’tia” keep moving along.  Chances are I won’t be making up stories about meeting Aborigines or steeling people’s shoes and hiding them in the water, or dumping out my tribe’s entire stock of food. I mean, I’m not THAT crazy.

Now that we’ve got all THAT out of way, we can get to why I may be the best casting decision you've ever made.

1.       I’m athletic. I was an athlete in high school. I was the captain (and goalie) of my varsity soccer team. I also played basketball and made the team from pure brute force. My coach would call me the “enforcer”. When he wanted to shut a girl down, he’d put me in. They might have had 50 pounds on me, but people get really annoyed and start playing a little worse when you keep throwing elbows and holding onto their jerseys. I continue to stay athletic in college by rock climbing every day, hiking, running, swimming, the works.

2.       I’m smart. I'll be graduating with honors AND a semester early with my Bachelors of Science in Communication. I could keep going on and say I’m the president of the communication honor society (Lambda Pi Eta), and that I won the outstanding student athlete award presented to me by the army national guard, but, that’s just bragging!

Jeff Probst, Charlie Parsons and Mark Burnett, currently we are dating, but you don’t know it yet. I’m like that girl on campus you never used to see, but she kept coming around and you weren't sure if it was creepy or endearing…. So for now, just sit back and enjoy the ride! And cast me. Because I’d be a perfect fit for YOU.
-Sherri, the Survivor Girl